Why?

Last week I did a complete "fall-clean," if you will, of my room. I had a lot that needed to be gone through - thrown away, filed away, put away. The things in my world needed homes. I always start big projects with a !bang! And get more done in the first hour then I do the rest of the day :)

I think it's because after the first initial go through you, or at least I, start to look at things. I found my basketball shoes from senior year and it was like an instant whirlpool (with the jets on) in my mind. Such good memories.

I found a lanyard from a conference I went to in February. I'm not quite sure how long I actually sat there remembering the times of worship, and powerful points in messages - but it wasn't brief.

I snapped back to my room, only to come across a yearbook. You just HAVE to look through that when you see it!

I found some dried rose petals that I cannot for the life of me remember where they came from! And I hate that! I usually remember everything and I have no idea why I have these petals! That just bugged me.

I found my favorite pink journal that I thought I had lost for good. It is filled to the brim with memories. I bought it right before my first trip to Mexico when I was 15 and, being the terrible journal-er I am, I used it until I was about 18. That journal is so me. Sermon notes, party lists, baby names, prayers, song lyrics, funny stories, dramatic "troubles", squiggles, random ideas, letters, food stains, schedules, inside jokes and almost anything else you can imagine. Well, finding that didn't lend itself helpful in finishing my room.

After a few more hours of determined, undeterred work I stumbled upon my 10th grade math notebook. Chills. Chills I tell you poured down my body. Disgusted, sickening chills. I loathed that notebook. I tried to buy a cute one to help make math lovelier. It was light, bright blue with a little pink underlay and a star cut-out in the corner. It didn't deserve to be a math notebook. It should have been a notebook for princess's to do calligraphy in.

I flipped through the pages and pages of lessons I had done. The re-do's I always had to do. The long confusing problems, that seem like a foreign language to me. Some days I really tried and gave it my all. That was good of me. The pages are neat and orderly and my handwriting was borderline cute. Those days were few and far between, and mostly in September.
The majority of my friends were either good at math or brilliant at math. By good, I mean they were taking Calculus before they had their permit. By brilliant, I mean they were correcting the SAT prep book (and that is a very true story). 
Even the ones who "struggled" didn't seem to struggle like I did. I think I spent 90% of my school-life doing math. All the other subjects combined took about 10% of the total time. (Hey now brown cow, was I just doing math in a blog post? Look at me!)

But seriously, math was so, so, so hard for me. I remember laying in bed some nights, dreading that I had to wake up in the morning and do math. The classes were hard, but leaving class was worse. Then you actually had work to do. Math made me cry. Math loomed. Math was like joy-sucking, fun-ruining leach in my life. I was miserable when I had to do math.

And if you think I am at all exaggerating, talk to my poor mother who had to deal with me. Once she called my dad home from work to help gather me up. It was sooo bad.

Where am I going with this? Well, nestled in between those ridiculously hard equations, I found these:


There are more, but I am a terrible artist, so these make the point. Even way back then, weddings were on my mind. Sometimes I forget how long I have been wanting to do this job I do. Sometimes I forget that I did have to plug through math - with blood, sweat and tears.
It's really easy for me to forget that I am doing my dream job, and that years ago I would tell myself "Someday math will be over. Someday this will be finished. And maybe you will get to do weddings!"

It's amazing to me! How did this happen?? Am I too young to be reminiscing about the ol' days? Because I am.
I am in awe of the fact that I really, really get to be a wedding photographer, who rarely has to do math. I get to travel, I get to meet new people! I get to edit, and go on shoots! I get to be with brides! Hellooo!!! Brides!

I can't believe it.

And shame on me for not being more grateful. It truly is the kindness of the Lord. Business and work, and thoroughly enjoying it, is such a gift!

He knows the desires of my heart, He knows the plans He has for me, He has given me specific weaknesses and strengths. He knows me inside and out. And He is so good.

How can I praise Him enough?

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Who laid it's cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together
and all the sons of God shouted for joy?...
Who shut in the sea with doors and said
'This is how far you shall come, and no further'...
Can you send for lightning that it may come to you and say
'Here we are'...
Can you adorn yourself with majesty and dignity;
clothe yourself with glory and splendor?..."
The response:
"I know that You can do all things,
no plan of yours can be thwarted.
Therefore I have uttered things that I do not understand,
things too wonderful for me."

{job: parts of 38-42}


It is too wonderful for me - that that God specifically cares for and loves His children is beyond me.

Math is also beyond me, so I guess I am a simple girl. But that's ok, because my God is a great God!

....

Comments

  1. you didn't happen to find my Admin sweatshirt in all the room cleaning, did you? ::wink wink::

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  2. :( no. i wish i had :( really, really badly.

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  3. so I did the same room cleaning this past week and guess what I found! My first picture ever taken by the famous Kristenleigh! AH! I think I want it signed! actually I really like that Idea! watch out I am going to come over an ask for your autograph! hehe!
    <3 yous!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very encouraging post. Cool to hear that God used this time to cause you to praise Him! Thanks for sharing.

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  5. you are so very cute.--and I felt the same way about math. nothing made me cry more than math in high school. seesters?

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  6. ok now you know i gotta argue with the whole "i'm a terrible artist"...i mean really. nobody agrees with you. especially me.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Julie JFLam&#39;s friend in NC3.11.08

    Oh my. You are so whimsical...we need more people like you in the world. I think it's that artistic temperment (in a good way!) coming out. Your posts are always so uplifting...I love tuning in!

    ReplyDelete

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